By America Allen @sunuhealingcollectively 

“If you prioritize yourself, you are going to save yourself.” – Gabrielle Union

In my practice, I am privileged to be able to work alongside Black womxn on their journeys of healing and self-discovery.  I think we can admit that Black womxn are in fact magical. We are literally able to do all the things, all the time. We have a certain glow, a mixture of both strength and softness. We are able to get things done, in spite of. And with that magic comes decades of pain. See being a Black womxn, is an interesting place of intersectionality where we are required to think about how both our race (read: racism) and gender (read: patriarchy) shapes our life experiences. 

While being Black is not a monolith, it means that we all, for the most part, have experienced one or more of the following: racism, sexism, homophobia and/or  classism. Because of these intersections, we can easily call up a memory of being invalidated, a memory of putting the feelings of others above our own, and times where we were afraid to express ourselves.  As Black womxn we often do not take time for ourselves and it makes sense. Think about it:  As womxn, our first toy as a child is usually, what? A doll. And we are told to  “feed,” clothe, and brush our baby’s hair. We are instructed to take our baby everywhere we go and even tuck her in at night.  Oftentimes, we are given instructions for how to care for the baby way before we receive instructions on how to care of ourselves. So as adults we are usually overworking ourselves, taking care of partners, children, and parents. We are left with whatever there is after caring for everyone else,  which usually is nothing.  Mainstream media, though changing, often shows images of white womxn engaging in lux self-care, making it appear to be less accessible and applicable to our daily lives.  Given these things,  it is an act of resistance for Black womxn to center ourselves and our own pleasure by engaging in self-care. 

According to a 2017 journal article called, "Development of a Self-Care Assessment for Psychologists," self-care is defined as, "a multidimensional, multifaceted process of purposeful engagement in strategies that promote healthy functioning and enhance well-being."  Having this definition is foundational as it reiterates that self-care is not just a buzzword that involves bubble baths and spa dates but self-care also  includes things that are difficult such as setting boundaries, budgeting, taking inventory of our relationships and  giving ourselves permission to do for ourselves guilt free.  It is important to understand though, this can be incredibly hard when you have experienced trauma, depression and/or anxiety. The act of prioritizing yourself may come with a lot of guilt and beliefs about unworthiness.  It is during these times that we must get curious about the source of guilt and any self-limiting beliefs and begin to intentionally move through these experiences rather than continue to pass over them. 

You know when you're on a flight and the safety instructions begin? What’s one of the first things that the flight attendant reminds you of? They tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before you attend to the needs of those around you. Why? Because you can't help the person next to you if you are dead. It’s impossible. Now you may be saying, well wait that's different it's a life or death situation. Yeah it is but so is this! Life is emergent.  Life is unpredictable. Self-care HAS to be prioritized in the same way. Here’s the thing, if you treat yourself well, you will be able to pour more into others. You will be able to show up as the womxn, wife, mother and BOSS that you are. 

So where should you start with your self-care journey? 

First you need to schedule in time for yourself the same way you do other activities. Put YOU on your calendar. Find times throughout the day to engage in self-care. 

Self-care activities

• Grounding/Meditation. Getting in tune with our bodies is so important. Especially right now. Make time to just sit with yourself and attempt to focus on your breathing. You may notice that your mind will wander and that’s ok. Notice what those thoughts are and gently bring yourself back to present. If meditation is not something you feel comfortable with, try coloring! It's an amazing way to self-soothe and heal. 

• Slowly massaging your body with your favorite lotion. We usually rush through moisturizing our bodies to get to the next thing. Intentionally slow it down.  Allow yourself to engage your 5 senses during this time.  

• Sing and Dance. No judgment here on what this looks like. Whether its gospel, R+B, Dirty South or Rock, find time to get some movement and open up your throat chakra. 

• Workout, even if it's just a light walk around your neighborhood or even in your home. 

• Go to therapy. No really, go. I know how daunting of a task it can be, but trust me. Our mental and physical health are interconnected. Please take care of both.

• Keep a journal and allow for brain dumps. This is basically writing down everything that is on your mind. You can make lists, track your mood, daily events, triggers...etc. This is a very useful tool for therapy as well. 

• Give yourself permission to rest.  Rest requires a level of peace and we have to be willing to make space for rejuvenation. Sleep also lessens depression and irritability,

• Laugh. Laughter is food for the soul. Find things that bring you joy and happiness. Whether it's a comedy show or a funny movie, make time to increase positive emotions. 

• Stay hydrated. Water is good for both our internal organs and our skin. 

• Affirm yourself. I love a good affirmation. We live in a world that can be invalidating. It is important to find ways for self-validation and affirmations to start that process. I have my clients set alarms with affirmations on their phones that go off during the day that serve as reminders. 

I hope this was helpful. Please do not hesitate to reach out for more information regarding self-care. Follow me on IG: sunuhealingcollectively 

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