Black Don’t Crack, Or Does It? Black Women and Mental Health
“Ain’t therapy just for white people?”
Mental health is such a hush-hush conversation in the black community that when you do try to talk about it, it’s like you said a bad word. I can see it now, you come in from school with a grimace on your face and the first thing mama says is “girl, you better straighten up that face before you come in here! What’s wrong with you?” When you try to explain that you had a bad day, the response was often, “Ain’t nothing wrong with you. What you got to worry ‘bout, you’re just a child?”
A simple statement, yet powerful enough to affect our future self. Words are powerful and unfortunately in the black community, our parents didn’t have much tact. But, how could they? It hadn’t been that long since they were even recognized as human beings. (Shoot, are we even human now? I digress.)
For black women, rejection comes from all sides—white people, our black men, and even other women of different shades of color. Chile, we could not win! So, what else are you supposed to do but teach your daughter how to just “suck it up”. We got too much to deal with on the outside to think about how we “feel” on the inside.
When Our Skin Tone Creeps Into the Mind Zone
Growing up, the bus stop was the place where all you did was look at each other. Secretly judging each other’s hair, face, clothes, and more. Well, have you ever been teased about the color of your neck? Yep, I said neck!
“You need to wash your neck,” were the six words I heard as a child more often than I should have, from my classmates. You see, the back of my neck is black-black, not dark brown but BLACK. As an innocent child, I really believed that my mama didn’t wash my neck enough when I was a baby and it just got darker and darker. The imagination of a child is truly creative. So now, on top of being dipped in chocolate, the back of my neck was extra dark chocolate. This revelation was catastrophic for me, to say the least. That’s the moment the skin tone I saw in the mirror wasn’t pretty anymore. Little did I know it would take a toll on my mental health for the rest of my life.
She Wouldn’t Be Pretty If She was Dark-Skinned
My Granny, on the other hand, was confident in her skin. She would always say, “Remember black don’t crack, baby girl”! Growing up the girls that boys always thought were cute, were usually light-skinned. As well as the beautiful black women displayed in magazines, like the Jet Beauty of the Week. Light skin was beautiful and dark skin was ugly. To make me feel better, mama would say, “look at her features, if she was dark-skinned she wouldn’t be pretty.” She had good intentions, but in my mind, now I’m critiquing my features too. Our minds have more control than we give it credit for and it’s the one thing, we really don’t “outgrow”.
It’s Okay If Black Sometimes Cracks
That’s why taking care of our mental health, as black women, is crucial and even more so, what we are mentally transferring to our daughters. Most of us were taught to be strong, work hard, “don’t take no stuff”, and don’t let them see you cry. However, the homework lesson that was missed was that we are beautiful and it’s okay to “not be okay.”
We have trauma passed down from our ancestors so deeply rooted, it’s become a normal part of who we are. But, now is the time to change the script.
Therapy is not just for white people and it does not mean you are crazy.
Crying is not a weakness, it is a release. Like the rain washing away debris after a storm, our tears slowly wash away our unseen trauma.
Let your children know it’s okay to “feel their feelings”.
After a long journey and hours of therapy, I am healing from the sin that I thought was my dark skin. I practice self-care mentally, physically, and emotionally. So, if my “black” starts to crack, I now know the cracks are not shameful. They give me character and wisdom to make it just another day.
Additional Resources:
DARK GIRLS 1 | OWN Network Spotlight
Cocoa Butter & Hair Grease: A Self Love Journey Through Hair and Skin
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Janine Maryland
is a Nashville, Tennessee native with a creative soul. Her love for writing and poetry was implanted in her DNA. She is a full-time graphic designer and the owner and founder of Granny’s Conversations,® LLC, Greeting Cards for the Soul. Through these creative passions, Janine’s life purpose is to be an advocate for empathy and mental health, with the mission of saving lives through the written word. www.grannysconversations.com