What Are Boundaries?

Why Are They Important For Our Mental Health?

A boundary is an interpersonal limit that is set to keep us safe. A safe boundary includes the verbal imaginary line, but also existent and physical consequences when that line is crossed. Speaking from personal experience, I’ve had a hard time dealing with the repercussions of being a boundary-less person. There was a recent point in my life where I really felt like a doormat—my only purpose was to welcome the weight of others' dirt. Feelings like this can send you into a dark spiral of depression, anxiety and isolation.

But in my isolation, that's when I learned about boundaries. I can help people from eye-level; no more retreating beneath them. I can lift weights without getting dirty. Sweat comes from pressure, but dirt comes from carelessness. I can be open, without being open to everything. It’s not what goes in us that defiles us, but what comes out. This is a sentiment found in scripture. This stresses the logic that what goes inside of something fuels it for its purpose. A trash can is made for trash. A mind (brain) is made for thoughts. And for us black women—pretty black thoughts!

This is where you decide what is the purpose for your mind. When you find it, what will fuel that purpose? And this my friends, is why you NEED boundaries. Refuse to allow people in your space, words into your ears and thoughts into your mind that make you feel purposeless.

Biblical Definition of Eden

Most of my morals, what I believe in and my style of writing, are based upon scripture. Not that fancy fluff that isn’t substantial. But things that I’ve faithfully studied until they brought me peace. During the composition of this poem, I was reading the creation story. Simply put, guile entered it’s way into Eden. This internally caused a disruption to the purpose of Eden. Therefore, everything unlike Eden was banished. Adam, Eve, and serpent—or in our case, people and their lies.

This led me to read on what Eden meant in context.

Strong's H5731- Eden= "pleasure"
- This definition is from the lexicon. A lexicon is a dictionary of Greek, Hebrew, Syriac or Arabic languages.

This definition is a little different and more tangible than the well known English "paradise". That makes it more of a mental thing than an exterior thing. If you are pleased by something or with something, you agree with it. You delight in it. I love languages and the nuances between various words.

Conclusion

So, you can hurt. You can cry. You can be disappointed that lines were crossed or never set to begin with. But by the grace that we learn to give ourselves, you can become skilled in drawing (lines). They might not be straight at first. Though crooked, they remain still. It is an invitation and a gift to be in your presence. If outsiders can’t merely come into your courts with respect; your heart, your mind and your life is no place for disrespect to become comfortable. Never feel guilty for having an “Eden” mindset

This is to the creative black woman especially. Many people say we originate from Eve—The Mother of all fleshly creation. Although our bodies might, our minds were created by God and from God. The creative side of our brains—the right hemisphere—is where we get poetry, music, paintings, performances and more from. Our thoughts come before our works of art! Fuel those thoughts and protect those thoughts at all costs.

I dare you to reassess your relationships. Personal and familial. Professional. Romantic. Spiritual and introspective (the one that you have with God and yourself!) Is your creativity limited around certain people? Are the conversations and dealings that are being exchanged influential to your mental health? Or are your interactions in these relationships worsening your mental health? This is a question that only you can explore and answer.

My prayer is that God takes Eden in us. Takes pleasure in dwelling in us. May we come to the knowledge that our minds and our bodies are meant for purpose and nothing less!

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Pretty Black Thoughts: Creativity, Boundaries, and Mental Health