More than Hair

Written By: Tamara Bogan Ed.S. LPC

“Mommy, why can’t my hair be down and straight like yours?” With a sad face, those were the piercing words that one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked me, as her sister gazed at me for an honest reply. I steadied myself while feeling perplexed with the fact that I was forced to engage with two toddlers concerning hair types.

Candidly, I stared into four adorable dark brown eyes and told them that I used chemicals on my hair which caused it to change. I also told them that without those chemicals, my hair, in its natural God-gifted state would look and feel the same as theirs.

Although, they seemed to understand or try to make sense of our conversation, their next question was can we do our hair like yours. I guess they didn’t quite understand. My response to the girls was no – not yet. I believed the option to alter the texture and appearance of their beautiful coily hair may come later in life, but not at age three.

At that point, I felt I had a decision to make. There was a sense of urgency as they were young and very impressionable. I shared our exchange with my husband, who was also unpleasantly amazed with the fact that our girls were experiencing their first self-identify crisis. I also asked him if he would support the decision of cutting my silky black shoulder length relaxed hair while initiating the process of helping our girls fall in love with their God-gifted hair.

Thankfully, my insightful husband agreed, and I immediately scheduled an appointment for the “big chop.” For me, it was more than just a big chop, it was a divine opportunity to instill the concepts of self-love, inner beauty and self-confidence while increasing self-esteem in not one, but two dainty and delicate princesses. I made the courageous decision to change my hair.

When my daughters first noticed my hair following the “big chop”, they seemed surprised that my “other hair” was gone. As they touched my hair, our hair, our God-gifted coils, they appeared excited and relieved. Excited, that mommy’s hair looked and felt the same as ours. Relieved to finally embrace what was endowed to us by the Creator without any apologies. As my hair grew, I recalled us tilting our heads together so that our hair touched while looking into a mirror. Those moments caused all three of us to sparkle with pride and smile collectively while sharing kindred thoughts and feelings.

From that point on, the girls and I began to develop a deeper sense of love for coily and kinky hair, ourselves, and other melanin rich individuals. The year was 2007 when that pivotal question was posed. It is now 2020, and we adore our beautiful roots, the versatility, and everything they represent.

For many, the resolute act of cutting my hair may sound drastic or irrational, but I know that I made the supreme decision. Today, our young ladies possess deep-seated self-love and a strong dose of self-confidence whether they are rocking afro puffs, flat twists, goddess braids, or a sleek ponytail.

For me, the unwavering choice to cut my hair has always been about “more than hair.” My preference was rooted in the unrelenting desire to dispel feelings of inferiority or not measuring up in two innocent and beloved brown girls that God entrusted to us.

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From Virginia, to Texas, to South Korea and many counties in Georgia, Tamara Bogan has completed 17 successful years in the educational arena. Her career includes middle school teacher, reading specialist, and high school counselor. In addition to school counseling, Tamara is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Georgia. She owns Seat of Resilience Consulting and Counseling in Ludowici, GA. She believes that parents have their children’s best interest at heart, but there are times when additional tools are necessary. Tamara is happily married to retired Sgt. Andrew Bogan, and they enjoy parenting 3 amazing teenagers.