From Movement to Awakening

By Tanja Owens

Wearing “the natural” back in 2001 before it became trendy, proved to be a surprisingly emotional journey.  What made it emotional?  The fact that I got the most negative reactions from my own...other black women.

First, my mother, who has “good hair” was the most outspoken.  She was always commenting about how she didn’t have the same problems with her hair that I did because she has “good hair.”  She would make remarks about “nappy hair.”  You get the picture.  Thanks Mom! I love you, too.

Of course, it would also have to be my FAVORITE aunt, who would always comment about how she just liked straight hair better.

One of the most hurtful experiences that stood out the most to me happened when my husband and I moved to NC.  One of my closest friends lived there and we were relocating for a fresh start.  

My dear friend talked about how women in this new city were ruthless.  She said they were very judgmental of other women and would disrespect you by talking to your man right in your face while in public settings.  She talked about how you have to be ready and always put together when you go out.  She said my natural style would not go over well in my new environment….So, I let her perm my hair.

My husband hated this new, straight “trendy” hairstyle.  He loved my natural and blasted me for letting someone convince me that my natural self was less than.  He was right.  So I quickly went back to natural hair.

Recently, I asked this girlfriend who convinced me to go back to relaxed hair about the situation. She said it plain “well, it wasn’t trending then”.

WOW...

Even though they didn’t realize it, those women close to me, with their negative responses, were acting as agents of “white beauty,” tearing down my self esteem, although I understand they were victims as well.  The funny thing is, within the last few years, as it has become trendy to wear natural hair, all the women who criticized my natural style or told me how ugly it was, have converted to natural styles themselves.

It has not been all negative.  I had many women who loved my “natural” before it was trending. Many complimented the style and talked about wishing they could wear their natural hair.  I would always comment “It’s really about having the confidence to wear it.”  Wearing natural hair before the trend took the confidence to be different.  To reject this society’s standard of “white beauty” that wants me to feel that my hair and my skin are ugly, and to be accepted my hair has to be straight and my skin has to be light.

Before I started wearing my natural hair in 2001, I was on a constant mission to chase away my natural hair with a relaxer.  Instead of perming every 6-8 weeks, I would perm every 4 weeks.  I never wanted to have to see or deal with my “nappy hair.”

So, of course, with this type of hair abuse, my hair was not in its best state.  I wanted a change.  My hair grows fast, it’s thick and strong in its natural state, so I decided I would wear my natural hair with color. The style looked like Queen’s hair in the movie, “Queen & Slim.”  It was a short reddish ‘fro with a short fade in the back.

SWEET LIBERATION!

Ever since the one lapse of going back to relaxed hair in 2003, I have worn my natural hair. Usually with color, but then wearing my natural color which is black with sprinklings of grey.

What began as a hairstyle change has started to mean so much more to me over this journey.

It’s freedom from the standard of beauty that was never meant for me in the first place.  My natural hair is a crown that connects me with a people and a history.  Finally, it’s a display of a love of self that says, I accept all parts of me. In my natural state and of how beautiful I think it is.

In the end, that is how I became empowered.

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Tanja Owens

is a certified Holistic Health & Wellness Coach who focus on mindful nutrition, mind/body connection and spiritual coaching. Tanja works with exhausted women who are so busy caring for others they have neglected their own health and well-being helping them reclaim the energy to do all the important things they love.